Conservative Rumblings

Section: Opinion/Editorial
Published: Waubonsee Insight, March 2007 Issue

In my oh-so-humble opinion, the prison system in America needs a significant overhaul.

Annually, the state prison system alone expends $30 billion on its prisons and prisoners, and the Bureau of Prisons blew $5 billion in 2006 on just 182,000 federal inmates.

With the United States sitting on the title of “highest incarceration rate in the world” (in December 2006, 1 out of every 32 adults was either behind bars, on probation or on parole), these exorbitant amounts of money are only bound to increase.

I am not a big fan of giving free money to anyone, but honestly, if our welfare state of a government is going to throw money at a certain group of people, why should the criminals be getting it?

We could just lower taxes and let the people who earned the money keep it, or we could use it to do things like, say, defend our borders or crack down on terrorists or gangs.

But that’s beside the point; I really don’t care where the money goes right now, except that I don’t believe it should go to a bunch of convicts.

We spend so much money feeding, clothing and entertaining the worst denizens of society that people who don’t understand our convoluted style of prisoner management would probably think that those angry fellas locked up behind bars are our version of royalty. After all, in this country, being a convict gets you better treatment than being jobless and/or homeless. Free food , free lodging, free entertainment…pretty comfy for a criminal.

Therefore, I have decided that it’s time for a change. What follows is my grand plan for prisoners. Be warned: even though I did (regretfully) scrap my plan for staging gladiatorial-style matches between prisoners, human rights activists may still be offended.

Give me credit, though; I DID remove the script notes for the first episode of my prisoner reality show: Five Inmates, One Parachute: Survivor at 15,000 Feet.
Now, on to the plan: first, living conditions.

Instead of sitting inside, in air-conditioned rooms, convicts should be outside slaving away like it’s a Georgia chain gang.

Now, originally, my plan was for these prisoners to break rocks (a nod back to the glory days of 1930s prisons), however, nothing is really accomplished here, other than tiring out the criminals.

And, what do you do when a prisoner flat out won’t work? You can throw him in solitary for a month, but in the end, you can’t force them to break rocks without resorting to things like cattle prods and Britney Spears music.

In order to combat this eventuality, my new plan has the prisoners doing something else with their precious time: agriculture work.

But not just any agriculture work; the prisoners will cultivate crops, grow trees and harvest fruits…and then they’ll eat the fruits of their labor.

If they don’t work hard, they don’t eat. It’s that simple. We stop draining the taxpayer’s resources to feed their sorry butts, and the criminals learn the value of a hard day’s work.

Also, the prisoners will be put in groups. That way, if one con begins to slack, mob justice will slap him into line; after all, if one member of a group slows down, everyone gets less food, and no one will be happy with that.

With regard to heat and electricity and all those sorts of things, prisoners can (and will) contribute in that regard as well. Each group will have to use stationary bicycles to store up energy in their cellblock’s batteries, and this energy can be used for heating, cooling or entertainment.

Seeing the advantages of this? Prisoners have to sweat a bit to get their amenities, instead of all of us working our tails off so that the government can take our money to pay for said amenities; it’s almost as good as the prison system in Mexico, where cons have to pay the jail for food, rent and clothing.

Criminals should also not be allowed access to uncensored news. News should be filtered through an agency and then transmitted to the prisoners. Prisons should have a television network like the Armed Forces Network. Censored news, G-rated movies and educational programs are what the criminals need to be watching. After all, this is prison, not the “Happy-happy-joy-joy-let’s-watch-movies-while-we-shank-Vinny” Resort.

A perfect example of why this is needed is the situation that arose with Agent Ramos, the former Border Patrol agent who is now behind bars for doing his job (he shot a drug smuggler in the butt, however, he then made the rookie mistake of cleaning up the scene before investigators showed up, and our victim-friendly justice system promptly threw him in the slammer faster than Barack Obama can say, “Look at me, I’ve been in politics only 18 months but somehow I’m qualified to be president!”).

Anyway, a few weeks ago, Agent Ramos was assaulted in his prison cell after fellow inmates, who he suspected were illegal immigrants, saw his photo on television, identifying him as a BP agent who shot a Mexican smuggler. The assault would have been completely avoided by censoring the news before the criminals saw it.
Now, in a stunningly left-wing statement for me to make, I’m also abolishing the death penalty.

Yes, yes, I know; believe me, it pains me to say that I agree with something that emanates from the gaping abyss of liberalism, but honestly, it costs a heck of a lot more money to execute someone than it does to have them break rocks or plant trees.
Sorry to get your hopes up, but I’m not going to dance through the halls of Waubonsee with daisies in-hand and a Che Guevara beret on my head; I’m just a heartless Republican that wants to save some money.

Besides, it’s a lot easier on the cons to get an arm full of chemicals than it is to spend the next fifty years in hard labor.

And I don’t think criminals deserve anything ‘easy.’

Section: Features
Published: Waubonsee Insight, March 2007 Issue

Editor In Chief Ian Essling takes Insight readers on a behind-the-scenes look at Insight and the rumors that abound about the paper. Find out what’s fact, what’s fiction, and what is the deep dark secret behind Von Ohlen 230.

Another semester is upon us, and another round of tall tales are again floating through the halls of Waubonsee. The tides of the rumor mill are cyclical, it appears.

Regardless of their origins, I am here to dispel the mist and mystery around as many of them as I can in the space I have.

Some of these are pretty simple, but others are quite involved. I hope that you will hang with me through them all, and that you can finish this article with a better understanding of where Insight comes from and where it’s going.

Have a question about Insight that I missed? I’d love to hear about it and include it in the next issue: insight@waubonsee.edu.

Fiction:
The Opinion of A Writer is
Synonymous With That of the
Paper As A Whole

I felt that this deserved a top-slot in my list because it is probably one of the most hotly contested and least understood aspects of the paper.
It is a common misconception that by printing something, we are endorsing it. That is simply not the case. As stated on our opinion pages, the editorials are the opinions of the writers and should not be taken as the opinion of the Insight staff as a whole.

Fiction:
Waubonsee Administration Controls What Insight Publishes

In reality, Insight student editors are the ONLY people who decide what material is published in the newspaper. There’s not an administrative body on campus that has oversight over this publication. The student editors are the people making the decisions about what gets printed; after all, it IS a student newspaper.
Personally, I think that there are some people in the Waubonsee administration who wish they could control what we publish, but thankfully, freedom of speech remains intact. Sometimes I think that some difficulties Insight faces stem from this situation (such as being stuffed into a utility closet for over a year), but of course, that’s just speculation on my part.

Complaining to Waubonsee, the Career Services Center or the scholarship foundation committee (all of which have been done this past year) is really not going to have much of an effect on us.

Even complaining to your teacher is not going to do it. Believe me, I know there are some sympathetic ears on campus for those that want to rag on the paper.

I can even provide you a list if that’s the route you want to take, but honestly, why not just come to the source? If someone wants to voice their opinion about something we printed, they need to come directly to us.

Unfortunately, I have heard a number of stories of people sending information to Waubonsee itself that was intended for the newspaper, equally unfortunate is the fact that Waubonsee does not usually pass this sort of misdirected communication on to us.

For example, one of our editors recently heard a student trash the paper for not printing a letter to the editor that she delivered…to the admissions and records desk.

Fiction:
Faculty Advisors Have Prior Review of Articles

For years, people called Insight “Gary’s paper” because of how dedicated Gary Clark, our faculty advisor, is to the paper, People just assumed that he was in charge of it.

In all honestly, if this paper really was “Gary’s paper,” it would not be a student newspaper anymore, it would be a faculty newspaper.

That is why the Insight staff is grateful for the freedom we are allowed. Our advisors never read our opinion pieces before they are published. Insight editors make the determination as to what opinion pieces we print.

Our advisors will sometimes help with proofreading of non-controversial news or features pieces, but our opinion section is a haven of free speech.

Fiction:
Insight Does Not Publish
Articles We Receive If The Editors Disagree With The Topic

The views of the “editors” of the paper vary across a wide spectrum.
An article that one editor agrees with, another may disagree with, and vice versa. therefore, this misconception makes no sense at all.

Rest assured that denying publishing rights to articles that I disagree with is not an action I engage in, nor is it something I allow my editors to do.
Any unbiased glance at our opinion section from a few months worth of papers pretty much proves that point.

As an Editor In Chief, my goal is to build a quality newspaper.

Throwing out articles does not move us closer to that goal, so why would we do it ? After all, we can’t print a bunch of blank pages.

The vast majority of articles make it past the preliminary phases of editing without a problem and are then subject to the whims of timeliness, space, and layout.
In all honesty, those are the attributes that have the largest effect on whether or not an opinion is printed, not the view expressed.

Now, that’s not to say that every opinion piece that we receive is printed; that would be inaccurate and misleading, and the whole intention of this article is to clear up all the inaccurate and misleading things others are saying about this organization.

I can count on my hands the number of opinion articles Insight has not printed in the past three years for reasons other than time and space constraint. There are only seven or so of them, out of a total pool of hundreds of submitted articles.

Fiction:
Insight Is Conservative (Or Liberal, or Socialist, or [insert ideology here])

Insight itself is none of these things; Insight is an organization, not a person. Granted, it is the sum of those involved, but it’s not a one person or cabal-style dictatorship, despite what some would have you believe.

The fact that our opinion pages have recently appeared to be slanted to the conservative side is only a testament to one thing: conservative writers are penning pieces and submitting them, while liberals are not. It is that simple of an equation.

If no one writes the other side of an argument, then the opinion section might appear biased. Ironically, Insight has a history of being liberal; in all the years that I’ve been at Waubonsee (both as a reader and a staff member), Insight has normally only had a token conservative or two on staff, with the entire editorial council falling left of center.

Strangely, no one complained about THAT situation, but as soon as we have some conservative voices, you would think that the sky is falling with how serious of a “problem” some people consider it.

It is wrong for Insight as an organization to deny freedom of speech to a writer simply because no one is writing against the first writer’s opinion. That, ladies and gentlemen, is censorship.

The only reason that Insight’s opinion section can be considered ‘conservative’ or ‘liberal’ is because the ‘other’ side is simply is not writing articles or letters to the editor.

Something that I’ve noticed over the past few years is that often, the most vocal opponents of the paper and our writers are usually the last ones to pick up a pen and respond in kind.

It is much easier for a student to insult a faceless writer, or for a teacher to give a speech to an entire class about the ‘terrible things’ that exist in the pages of the paper, than it is for them to stand up and put their opinion in print. It takes guts to put your name on your opinion and put it out there for the world to see. Some people have those guts, and some do not.

Fiction:
Letters to the Editor are edited

A number of “letter to the editor” debates have circled around Insight over the past few years; they edit too much, they don’t edit enough, they try to make people look stupid, those sorts of things.

Once and for all, I am clearing this up. For the record, we do not ever edit letters to the editor for anything other than profanity. If someone who writes in to us does not take the time to grammar check his or her own piece, then so be it.

Fiction:
Editors Change Opinion Articles Significantly

Our heavy-duty editing only applies to non-opinion articles. At Insight, we make every effort to preserve the writer’s message in opinion articles. We will edit these articles for spelling, grammar, clarity, brevity and other similar factors, but we never make edits that undermine or change the meaning of the author’s work.

Fiction:
Insight Asked to be Moved to Von Ohlen 230 (or, a variant: Insight was offered a “better” office this semester and declined it)

We were moved out of our old office, Von Ohlen 100, before the spring 2006 semester, and we were moved completely against our will.

Honestly, no one in their right mind would ask to be moved or agree with a move from such an awesome location (complete with windows and a chalkboard) to a room that has served as a storage closet for something like the last ten years.

Now, with regard to the “new office” for this semester. We were in discussions with our dean, Cindy Fisher, and the dean of social sciences, Jill Wold, to find us a new office. Unfortunately for us, the location that was presented to us was Weigel 107, an old, dirty and defunct science laboratory in a lower traffic building on the wrong side of campus for an English-discipline group.

Obviously, that location makes so sense at all, and we were somewhat upset that it was even considered and shown to us. It is already an adventure to find our current office, and Weigel 107 is even further off the beaten path.

No one would suggest that an active science club that recruited 90% of its members from science classes relocate its permanent office to Von Ohlen or Bodie, and by the same token, having an English group in an old science building made no sense.
Putting the newspaper into Weigel 107 would have been devastating to this publication.

Hopefully, the staff that takes over in fall 2007 will have a better location. With the opening of the Academic and Professional Center, there will be a lot of empty space in Bodie and Von Ohlen; keep your fingers crossed.

Fiction:
Insight Staff Members Are Paid

Years ago, a proposal was put forward to get the Insight editors paid, and it was summarily dismissed. Thus, this myth is cut and dried: we do not get paid, at all, ever.

Logically, since most other college paper staffs ARE paid, many people just assume that this is true here as well. However, as I have learned from dealing with some members of Waubonsee administration, logic is not something you can count on.
I personally think that my editors SHOULD be paid, because many of the staffers on this paper put in as many (if not more) hours than a full-time job, but for now, it’s not a happening thing.

Fact:
Insight Pays for Printing Costs From Its Own Budget

This, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the most important in this list. You see, on top of writing the stories and laying out the paper, the staff of Insight also has to raise thousands of dollars to pay for printing costs.

Occasionally, we are able to get some funding from Student Senate to use for special purchases, but our day-to-day spending comes from our own hard earned money.
That’s why it’s rough on us when people throw away our papers for no reason. When an art student uses the paper to catch paint, they are crumpling up our money.
When maintenance takes it upon themselves to “clean out” our paper rack because the papers are “old,” they are tossing away hard earned money.

Fact:
Insight Is Always Accepting New Members

Insight always, always accepts new writers and columnists. The only positions that we do not have perpetual open slots in are editorial positions. So, if you are interested in writing, don’t think that you have to wait for an “opening.” Join up today!

Fact:
You Don’t Have to Be A Journalism Major to Write for Insight

This misconception is one of those little things that isn’t malicious, but just the result of Insight not doing the best that we can to make sure students are aware of these things.

Anyone, in any discipline, is eligible to write for Insight. For example, right now our editorial council is made up of the following majors: a business, two journalisms, an aerospace engineering, a sociology and an undecided.
And that’s just the editors! Our general staff exhibits even more variety in majors.

Fact:
Insight Has Been Around Forty Years (In Some Form Or Another)

We have a plaque that sits on the desk in our office that shows all the Editor In Chiefs of the paper between 1967 and 1994 (the last year it was updated). We keep this around to remind us that we are but a ripple in the pond of this organization.
Thanks to the hard work and dedication of hundreds of student editors and writers, faculty advisors who care about their students, and the loyal readers, Insight has prospered for forty years. It is my sincere hope that it is around for another forty and forty beyond that.

I hope that I have given you a glimpse at what Insight is all about, and a new appreciation for what we do.

You see, we are students, just like many of you. On top of our homework and jobs, we also build a newspaper.

By no means have I addressed all the issues that have been brought up about Insight. If you have a question about Insight that I didn’t cover, please, feel free to email us and we will do our best to answer it.

Section: Features
Published: Waubonsee Insight, March 2007 Issue

For years, the term “Migraine” has been evolving. Once, it was only applied to a distinct vascular attack that often affected heart patients.

Because a headache was part of the migraine symptoms, it soon began to be used to describe simple headaches, and from there it was only a matter of time until the real meaning of the word was completely lost.

According to the International Headache Society, Migraines must include at least four of the following symptoms: nausea, extreme sensitivity to light or sound, pulsing or throbbing pain on one side of the head (the pain must also be considered moderate to severe) and the condition must be worsened significantly by everyday activities such as climbing stairs.

In addition to all the above criteria, at least four or five such attacks must occur before a doctor may diagnose the patient as a migraine sufferer.
Migraines are far more than a headache; they affect nearly every aspect of the body.

On top of the above listed symptoms, migraines often affect eyesight and mental clarity.

Most Migraine sufferers also experience severe nausea, extreme sensitivity to light, chest pain, blurred vision, fatigue and other symptoms along with the headache.
This definition itself shows why people claiming to suffer migraines while going about their daily lives are simply not informed correctly.

In fact, the vast majority of people who claim to suffer migraines are actually falling prey to the much less severe tension headache, a headache brought on by muscle tightness.

Migraines have nothing to do with muscles; they are caused by blood flow and blood vessel dilation (hence the connection to heart patients).

Migraines are actually much more than just a quick headache.

They consist of four phases: the Prodrome, the Aura, the Headache, and the Postdrome.

During the Prodrome, the victim encounters a number of unpleasant symptoms. Often, these symptoms can serve as a warning that a migraine is coming; however, this phase varies in length from minutes to hours, making prediction of an imminent migraine attack less than an exact science.

Some symptoms that the sufferer may endure during this phase are irritability, fatigue and tightness of the neck and chest.

Also, a victim’s extremities will feel cold, as his or her blood leaves the hands and feet and moves to the head.

The Aura phase comes next, and is usually the most obvious pre-pain phase. The distortions and disorientation experienced during this phase are often overwhelming, especially to first time sufferers.

The aura can consist of flashing lights, spots or lines in the vision, blurred vision, hearing loss, dizziness, confusion, numbness and loss of sight.
This phase can again last either minutes or hours, and is the last warning a migraine sufferer has before the actual attack hits.

While most people associate “Migraine” with “headache,” the Headache phase of a migraine actually affects the entire body.

The pain that is endured during this portion is often impossible to understand for those that have never experienced a Migraine.

Many times, the sheer pain alone will sideline even the most stout of individuals.
True migraine sufferers, even with high-powered prescription medications coursing through their veins, are often unable to talk, think or even move while enduring a Migraine.

Migraineurs experience a wide range of ailments on top of the pain itself.
These can include extreme sensitivity to light and sound, nausea and vomiting, severe anxiety or disorientation, loss of memory, confusion, dizziness and chills.
On top of this, any sort of physical activity (even walking to the kitchen or bathroom) will vastly worsen these symptoms.

Studies have shown that the most common time for the Headache phase onset is 6 a.m., which is why many Migraineurs wake up with the Migraine, without warning, as they experienced the warning signs while sleeping and did not notice them.
A wide range of prescription medications are available for treating migraines, however, none of them are end-all-cure-alls.

Migraines often become resistant to prescription medications; I have personally gone through three different prescriptions in the past eight years alone, and my current one barely takes the edge off the attack, even if I get it on time.

Usually, people who experience Migraines on a regular basis never consider using over-the-counter medications for anything except taking the edge off of a rebound headache or to dull any residual pain after the prescription medication is used.
Migraines can last between one and 72 hours, even with the prescriptions mentioned above.

Usually, the pain does not abate until the very end of the Migraine
At that time, the Postdrome phase takes over.

Even though the pain subsides, most Migraine sufferers will experience symptoms ranging from lack of concentration, depression, poor intellect and fatigue, for up to 24 hours after the actual migraine.

Victims often describe the condition as feeling like a zombie, and abnormal cerebral blood flow can also cause strange EEG readings.

Section: News
Published: Waubonsee Insight, March 2007 Issue

Northern Illinois University Professor David Sinason has a tremendous amount of experience to draw on when it comes to speaking on ethics. After all, with 35 publications to his name, Sinason is not a lightweight in the field of accountancy and business.

Hosted by the Waubonsee Business Club, Sinason gave a presentation on business ethics to an audience filled with business and accounting students, as well as numerous other guests who were interested in the subject. The presentation ran the gamut from employee behavior, executive policies, unethical clients and company regulations, to personal ethical decisions and moral values.

According to Sinason, “You really only own two things in your life: your education, and your values. Once you learn something, it’s yours, [and] if you draw the line, and stick to it, no one can take your values from you. But you can still lose it.” That is where morals and ethics comes into play, which is what the majority of the presentation centered around.

One of the major tenants of his presentation was what Sinason described as the “top-down” theory of company ethics, which states that employees are only as ethical as their employers.

“The tone at the top is the most important,” Sinason explained, since ethics cascade down through a company or organization. As he stated, if the president is doing something unethical, it just makes it that much easier for someone else to break moral boundaries and justify it. If the management of a company is not obeying ethical standards, then rank and file employees will see no reason to do so.
One example he used was about employee parking. “If [a manager] tells an employee they have to park far away from a building in an ‘employee parking’ area, but they park right next to the building, how long will it be before the employees start emulating the manager and parking right up close?”

He went on to elaborate that this mantra is appropriate in many different settings both in and out of the workplace. The president of a company or college needs to give a positive ethical example to everyone working beneath them, and the same holds true for student-led organizations as well.

An important distinction he made was the scope of an ethical problem. Just because an ethical violation is small doesn’t mean it should be ignored or forgiven easily.
According to Sinason, “Behind every small ethical program is a larger ethical problem waiting to happen.” Ethical problems will only grow, and if an employee or manager’s unethical behavior is not handled at a low level, it can quickly escalate into a large-scale problem.

Sinason said that it is very important to get ethical policies on paper. He said that often, companies have “informal policies,” which he says will lead to “informal results.”

“Talk is cheap; you have to get it in writing; put your code of ethics or code of conduct in the break room where people will see it every day,” he explained. “Repetition is the mother of significance.”

Employees who are deluged with company ethics on a non-stop basis will be less likely to commit unethical acts. Of course, while creating and posting company policies are important, the executives of the company have to “practice what they preach,” or risk influencing their employees to follow in their footsteps.
During his presentation, Sinason also emphasized the importance of getting involved in student clubs and activities. “There is an awful lot of experiences that are not in the classroom,” he said, “Corporations are looking for leadership and involvement, not just a good GPA.”

Sinason’s educational background includes a bachelor’s degree in engineering from the University of Illinois, a bachelor’s and master’s degree in business administration from North Florida University, and a Ph.D in accountancy from Florida State.

Dan Gibbons, Assistant Professor of Accounting at Waubonsee, attended the program and thought that it was “terrific.”

“He [Sinason] is a great presenter; I’ve never seen him do a bad job,” he added.Gibbons also explained why ethics are extremely important for accounting and business majors. “When you get into your career, you will face ethical dilemmas. With a good foundation [in ethics], it makes it easier to make the right choice.”
According to Gibbons, accountancy majors have ever more reasons to focus on ethics, because the newest CPA (Certified Public Accountant) exams have an ethics portion in the test.

Section: Opinion
Published: Waubonsee Insight, February 2007 Issue

Every semester, Kathy Westman’s Sociology class creates a new left-wing board to put up on the second floor of Bodie, and thus, I am presented with a source of entertainment. There’s a lot of funny stuff that ends up taped or stapled to the wall. I’m not disrespecting her teaching style, of course; her and I know that we don’t see eye to eye on political issues.

Regardless of those views, however, I do commend her for having her students complete an involved project. I think having the board be right-wing would be much more appealing, but it’s nice to see a teacher who requires more out of her students.

However, this newest board gave me something beyond a chuckle and a smile: the inspiration for this article! The week before classes started, I was on campus working on this newspaper, and since I wasn’t in that much of a hurry, I spent a little time studying this latest incarnation, which seems to be bashing big business in America.

A Monopoly board parody casts President Bush as Rich Uncle Penny Bags and is surrounded by photos of other successful people such as Donald Trump and Bill Gates. A paper hanging to the left grammatically incorrectly admonished me to “read me if you gotta a sec” [sic], but I was able to resist. I digress; the point of this column is not to attack the board or the student who wrote that.

This display got me thinking, however, which is why I mention it. The board poked at certain individual people, and that reminded me that it was time to update my list of the worst people in existence.

It only seems fair, after all. You see, my list has been stable for a while, but now that the Butcher of Baghdad has been relieved of his position among the living, there’s a vacancy!

Obviously, we have to start with the Three Prime Evils. We have Diablo, the Lord of Terror (otherwise known as Osama Bin Laden), Mephisto, the Lord of Hatred (Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) and Baal, Lord of Destruction (Kim Jong Il). Kudos to anyone who gets those references.

Saddam Hussein occupied slot number four, which we will get back to in a minute. With four murdering maniacs already present, I really had to be careful with who else I included. I finally decided on including a public personality, and thus, rounding out the top-5 is Rosie O’Donnell, the vile love child of Satan and Medusa. If you’re not certain that she belongs with the previous three devils, just listen to her speak for a few minutes.

Now, back to Saddam. You see, I have to replace him, since obviously he can’t be a member of the top-five worst people in existence if he’s dead.

But who else could I bestow the honor on? Since celebrities are already represented, there’s no need for another. Warlords and mass murderers have their champions, which only leaves one last class of people that could spawn someone terrible enough to fit the moniker of “Worst Person in The World:” politicians!

Now here’s the hard part. Which one makes the cut? Obvious choices appear immediately, of course, but for a number of reasons, we have to blow right by them.

Hillary Clinton? Too vogue, and besides, she’d probably try to bring along that village that she’s always talking about (you know, the one that she says we need to be able to raise our children) and I certainly don’t have room in this list for a whole village. Barack Obama? He doesn’t deserve the publicity he’s already getting, much less to be included in this list.

AlGore [sic] is a bellowing, harmless tree-hugger these days, and Michael Moore is too busy eating tacos to cause us any more harm. Now, old Slick Willy might be a good addition, but honestly, putting him in the list with Rosie O’Donnell is just asking for an incident that neither you nor I want to see or even think about.

John Kerry, Joe Biden and Harry Reid, the Three Musketeers of Cut and Run, would probably do just that at the very mention of this list, so again, not very exciting additions.

But fear not! I finally trashed my way through the churning depths of liberalism and came down with two finalists: Nancy Pelosi, our favorite little friend from the Great State of Immorality, and Ted Kennedy, Scotch bottles and all.

Both have done their part to destroy the fabric of normal American society. Both speak, often, without having any clue what they are talking about. But while Kennedy’s favorite medium is a bawling, drunken rage, Pelosi is a big fan of the “smile to their faces, trash ‘em to their backs,” sort of attack.

When it all comes down to it, I can only include one of them. Despite the fact that they are both terrible excuses for politicians and even worse excuses for humans, I am afraid that since, to the best of my knowledge, Nancy Pelosi has never murdered a hooker, Mister Ted Kennedy, who has, will receive the honor of becoming the latest member of the “Top-5 Worst People In The World.” Congrats, Teddy! The Scotch is on me!

Section: Arts and Entertainment
Published: Waubonsee Insight, February 2007 Issue

Massively Multiplayer gaming has exploded in the past few years. Games such as World of Warcraft shot the genre into the mainstream of society. The ability to play in the same world as literally thousands of other players appealed to many gamers, and there are now dozens of MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) to choose from.

One of the major caveats to this style of gameplay, however, is the monthly fee. Most casual gamers (including this writer) balk at paying a subscription for a game that they may play for only a few hours that month.

ArenaNet, a company formed of ex-Blizzard (Diablo, Starcraft,Warcraft) employees, turned the industry on its ear with the release of Guild Wars in 2005, an online multiplayer role playing game without a monthly fee. Instead, they offer additional chapters to the game, available every few months for purchase by players. While the extra chapters add a huge wealth of content, they are also standalone, meaning that someone can enter the game by purchasing either the first edition, Prophecies, or one of the expansions, Factions or Nightfall.

Players who only buy one chapter can continue to play the campaign in that game and can play in the Player vs Player arenas as long as they like.

No one is forced to buy the expansions, however, ArenaNet’s theory that gamers will be willing to purchase the extra content has been proven mostly true.
From a purely numerical standpoint, even if you buy the expansions the day they come out, you are paying $50.00 every six months or so, which divides out to far less than the normal $14.95 per month that MMORPGs charge.

Aside from the unique fees and expansions, Guild Wars introduced a number of revolutionary gameplay features that sent shockwaves through the gaming world. Gone were MMORPG staples such as spawn farming (sitting with a party in the area that enemies spawn and wiping them out over and over again).

Instead, Guild Wars creates a unique ‘instance’ of an area every time a party enters it, and thus takes away the monotonous aspect of spawn farming, and also eliminates problems such as player killing.

Guild Wars also walks the fine line of a game being accessible to casual players, while leaving open options for hardcore gamers.

Because of the way its missions are run, a player can pop online for half an hour and actually accomplish something, whereas other MMORPGs often require many hours of straight-through game playing to make a difference, leaving casual gamers far behind.

Another aspect that appeals to many players is the way skills are handled in Guild Wars.

Instead of simply letting characters draw from their entire pool of skills during a mission, players are forced to choose only eight skills to take into battle. Once out of a town, the player cannot change their skill choices.

This completely changes up the “normal” procedure for skills, and brings strategy and decision making to the forefront of the battle.

This approach helps, again, both the casual and the dedicated; casual gamers are not intimidated by players who have unlocked every skill in the game, because when it all comes down to it, everyone is taking the same number of skills into combat.

Even then, two players bringing the same skills into battle may play very differently; many skills work best in combination, and it is up to the savvy player to use them correctly.

Veteran gamers will tweak every skill and attribute point down to the most minute detail, of course, and this is just another example of how the game caters to all players.

On top of that, the game allows you to alter your character’s attributes as many times as you like. Once you earn your 200 stat points, you can redistribute them to different areas and save each ‘build’ as a template. Basically, you can have different versions of a character and swap between these builds with just a couple clicks.

For example, you could have a Warrior who focuses on sword skills, but also has a skill set that uses party-friendy “Tactics” or a high-damage, boss-killing hammer, and effortlessly switch between the three depending on what the mission requires.
Add in the ability to have a secondary profession (which you can also switch later in the game), and Guild Wars offers one of the most unique and customizable character palettes in existence.

The ability to change so many attributes of your character grant another mode of freedom; if you decide halfway through the game you don’t want to be a Warrior/Necromancer and instead want to be a Warrior/Mesmer, you can simply pay gold or do a quest (depending on which game you created the character in) and change your profession.

The normal RPG mold locks characters into their classes and stats when they are created, although some new games have begun to allow more flexibility, perhaps spawned by Guild Wars’ success.

The latest incarnation of Guild Wars, Nightfall, adds even more revolutionary features to already stellar game.

In an effort to promote community and player cooperation, nearly every quest in Prophecies and Factions was impossible to complete without teammates. Guild Wars did allow human players to take AI controlled ‘henchmen’ along on missions, but these characters were weak and often very stupid; their tactical decision making skills rivaled those of an algae-covered rock or a brain damaged millipede.

As a result, players were often forced to wait in outposts or towns until other humans working on the same quests joined the party. This sort of dependence on other humans to advance through any area of the game turned off some players. Obviously, the point of playing an RPG online is to play with other humans, but sometimes a player just wants to go hunting or exploring on their own, and in the first two episodes of Guild Wars, this was rather difficult; henchmen died far too easily and building an entire party of like-minded players was something that sometimes required an insane amount of patience.

In Nightfall, ArenaNet introduced AI characters called “heroes,” fully customizable companions that are earned through various quests. These characters are much more powerful than henchmen; they can be outfitted with weapons from your inventory, and can use any skills that your account has unlocked.

The inclusion of this option opened up the world to even more players. By utilizing these powerful heroes (whose AI was considerably better than the rank and file henchmen), players could complete quests and even missions without relying on another player.

In fact, I was able to take a new character all the way through the first stage of the game (to level 20) by only using heroes. Normally in mission areas, finding a group of players is not difficult, however, I wanted to see if it was possible to play through with heroes. Aside from one sticky situation in a major mission where you attain level 20, the heroes performed quite admirably.

Players are limited to only three heroes per party, however. To level the playing field somewhat, players can fill out the rest of his or her party with henchmen if necessary.

The first time I joined a human party was on a hunting quest to destroy a unique monster, and ironically, when the human-filled party failed miserably, I grabbed my trusty heroes and took down the beast much faster.

Part of that, of course, is that heroes are not afraid of dying, and quite frankly, a lot of human players don’t follow that “stand your ground or die trying” edict.
Since this isn’t technically a ‘review’ article (it’s more of a ‘feature,’) I am not really obliged to say anything bad about the game. Since it’s quite difficult to actually find something, I just won’t; editor’s prerogative.

Guild Wars is a spectacular game; with an innovative gameplay system and a much smaller monetary investment required, it appeals to a much wider range of gamers than most MMORPGs and opens the door for players who might never have tried an online role playing game.

Technological devices have become one of the most popular gifts of the holiday season. Instead of getting the pair of socks you didn’t want, you’re more likely to get a jump drive that doesn’t have the hard drive space that you need or a digital camera that is only six megapixels, which is so 2005.

With all the valuable computing components that will be changing hands this season, now is the time to learn the best ways to take care of the new and fancy devices.
Often overlooked as something that can affect the performance and longevity of your computer, dust can be a major factor in determining whether your computer can play the latest 3D game, or if it will become a pile of smoking, molten slag.

Check the intake fans of your computer often for dust buildup. Using your hands or a soft cloth, wipe off any dust and fuzz from the back of the computer. Dust can prevent cool air from entering the computer, thus overheating it.

Try to store the computer in an environment that is as dust free as possible. If the area will have a lot of dust and other particles in the air (such as a workshop or garage), turn the computer off when you’re not using it and cover it with dust clothes. When the computer is not running, the fans will not be pulling in dust and other foreign particles.

Many computer stores offer a cleaning service. Professionals will clean each component thoroughly and make sure all your fans are in working order. It is recommended that you do this at least twice a year, either by opening the case yourself if you are tech-savvy enough or taking it to said professionals.
Heat is one of the leading causes of computer failures, period. As previously mentioned, dust can lead to heat buildup inside your computer, either by blocking air intakes or clogging up fans.

There are many ways for computers and other electronics to overheat. Placing a computer inside a cabinets and other such pieces of furniture that puts the computer inside an enclosed space is asking for disaster. Just like you and I, computers need air to breathe.

You should not leave your computer running if you are leaving it in an enclosed space.

Heat can also buildup inside your computer when you are putting it under enough stress. Don’t leave high-level programs running when you leave your computer unattended for a long period of time.

Next, I will mention what is otherwise known as the “computers don’t mix well with a tile floor,” rule. This may seem like a no-brainer, but most people would be surprised to hear how many shock-related failures are reported each year. The smaller the object, usually, the more durable it will be.

Your cell phone will probably react better than your brand new Dell Dimension Desktop will to being dropped on the floor. However, you should always make an effort to avoid that sort of damage in the first place. Never place computers or other devices in high-traffic areas where people are liable to run into them.
The other issue to mention is that it is difficult sometimes to know how much shock is really necessary to damage a computer.

A computer sitting on the floor that is knocked onto its side might not physically break any component, but the shock of falling can cause damage to the hard drive cylinders, and can ruin your data and your operating system, rendering the computer useless until a new drive is installed.

Of course, these rules go for “intended” shock attacks as well.

As a lifelong user of computers, I know firsthand that they can be insanely frustrating at times, especially when you, perish the thought, actually ask them to work a little bit instead of just sitting there, humming contently, while non-stressful programs such as Internet Explorer and Microsoft Word happily coexist.

At least once in your life (and probably many times), you will feel the overwhelming urge to belt your computer as hard as possible, because that smug little dialog box gave you another smarmy, arrogant message that was phrased more like an evil overlord talking down to his minions than a helpful operating system trying to let its users frolic in error-free bliss.

Striking, kicking, spitting on or otherwise maiming a computer or other technological device is never the best idea, despite how good it may feel.

It never does any good (despite what your uncle who repeatedly slaps the TV every Thanksgiving says), and can usually cause damage to the component in question.

A lot of major news outlets do a “year in review” type of feature, but often these features either pick irrelevant stories for their lists, or they lack focus.
Why rehash what has already been said? Instead, I am focusing on Waubonsee and only Waubonsee; what follows are my picks for the top news stories of the Waubonsee fall 2006 semester. Instead of fluttering around the national and local news scene, I have zeroed in on specific events that occurred on campus. Some items present on (or missing from) this list may surprise you; without further posturing or prognosticating, I present to you my picks for the top Waubonsee news stories of the year.

10) Stoplight Constructed at South Entrance
After three years of planning, approving and building, a much-requested stoplight at Waubonsee’s south entrance was finally enabled by late November. Full details available on page 3.

9) Insight Breaks Records, Continues Growth
Building on a successful spring 2006 semester, Insight broke a number of records this fall, including producing a twenty-four page paper for two months straight, both of which are larger than any issue of Insight in history.
In addition, Insight expanded from just two full-time staff members at the start of the fall semester to over twenty-five by finals week.

Snow Closes Area Schools, but Waubonsee Stays Open
The first big snowstorm of the winter led to nearly eight inches of snow on the ground in the area, but Waubonsee administration, claiming that at 4:30 in the morning the snow was just “slush,” did not close its doors and instead attempted to hold classes.

Many teachers either were not able to make it to campus or they sent students home as soon as they arrived.

7) Waubonsee Announces Plan for Athletic Hall of Fame
Coinciding with Waubonsee’s 40th Anniversary, a Chief’s Hall of Fame will be established. The first group of inductees will be honored at the May 4, 2007 Athletic Banquet, and will cover athletes from the first decade of the college’s existence, 1966 to 1976.

6) New Kiln Created by Students, Instructor
Waubonsee students, working with Ceramics Instructor Doug Jeppesen and ceramics expert Simon Levin, created a rare Anagama pottery kiln on WCC’s Sugar Grove Campus.

The kiln can reach temperatures higher than 2400 degrees Fahrenheit, according to Jeppesen, who also mentioned that Waubonsee is the only community college in the state with such a kiln.

5) Science Building Opens
On Aug. 25, Waubonsee kicked off their 40th Anniversary Celebration with the opening and dedication of the new Science Building.

The nearly 47,000 square foot building contains a number of high-tech labs and devices, including camera systems for anatomy labs and a seismograph.

4) New Registration System Online
Along with a new package that offers many more registration and course planning options, Waubonsee also moved away from using student’s social security numbers by implementing “X numbers,” new nine-digit ID numbers issued to students.

3) Parking Runs Out
For the first week of classes this semester, Waubonsee students had an adventurous time finding a parking space, as contractors failed to finish a new parking lot on the west side of campus in time.

Blame was thrown around as to who exactly was at fault. Students voiced displeasure at the administration, which in turn pointed at the contractors.
Regardless of fault, as a result of the massive construction taking place on campus, enough parking spots had been taken away that students and faculty ended up parking on every available square foot of land on campus.

This included medians, shoulders, and a hill.

2) WCC Students Win IDOT Video Contest
Students won the 2006 Illinois Department of Transportation college video challenge with a video entitled “Reasons.”

The 30-second public service announcement featured various Waubonsee students and was an anti-drunk driving ad. The PSA aired on local network and cable channels around Halloween.

More details on this student accomplishment are available in our November 2006 issue.

1) Student Senate President Passes Away After Car Accident
Unfortunately, the most important story on my list is also the most tragic.
Jennifer Wesson, a student at Waubonsee and student senate President, was killed in a car accident Thanksgiving weekend.

Other features about Wesson in this issue include a news story on the front page, and a tribute on the back page.

Jennifer touched many people in her time here at Waubonsee, and she will be missed by them for more than her title of President.

11. Practicing capitalism and using the word “God” are declared Federal crimes.

10. Ted Kennedy legalizes the murder of hookers and adds “365 Bottles of Scotch” to his yearly salary.

9. Michael Moore is appointed head of the US Department of Health. Within six weeks, average life expectancy of an American citizen drops to 30.

8. Nancy Pelosi bans all video games and movies rated higher than “E.” Anyone caught watching a forbidden movie will be forced to discuss the meaning of the word “plan” with John Kerry.

7. The national anthem is changed from “The Star Spangled Banner” to “Sunshine Lollipops and Rainbows.”

6. Democrats pass a law abolishing national borders. Crime rises by 320% as illegal immigration reaches an all-time high. Mexico also gains veto power over all U.S. actions.

5. Al Qaeda establishes a firebase on the Capitol steps; Capitol Hill apologizes for existing.

4. Kim Jong Il nukes China, Japan, Taiwan and Russia, but the U.S. does not intervene because the United Nations has determined that a military retaliation is too “provocative.” Canada is then taken over by militant forces from Honduras when the Democrats refuse to come to their aid without U.N. permission.

3. After pulling troops out of Iraq and watching the government of the country crumble, Congress is surprised when Iraq changes its name to “Terrorists ‘R Us: No Group is Too Radical.”

2. Al Gore tries to install “An Inconvenient Truth” as the new constitution of the country. When he fails, he tears his suit to ribbons, eats it, and runs out the door alternately yelling “in-her-net” and making some sort of bestial roar.

1. Osama Bin Laden comes out of hiding, proclaiming, “Finally! I no longer have to worry about being killed by the U.S.!”

Coinciding with the opening of spring 2007 class registration, Waubonsee has unveiled a brand new online registration system and brand new student identification numbers.

Waubonsee issued the new “X numbers” a few weeks before spring registration opened in November. The new ID numbers will replace the current Social Security number identification system. Students have long been lobbying for student IDs to be used instead of Social Security numbers, and the nine-digit “X number” is the Waubonsee response.

The new registration system allows much more flexibility than the old registration process. Students can now register for classes simultaneously instead of putting in one course number at a time, and the system also allows students to view midterm and final grades, student information, and a copy of the course catalog.

The interactive course catalog lets students search for classes based on section, class name and credit hours, and also provides detailed descriptions and prerequisites for all classes.

Students often voiced security as a reason to abandon the use of Social Security numbers; on top of the new student numbers, security in the new system is further enhanced by students’ creating a PIN number and a “secret question” that they can use to recover their account information if it is lost.