Conservative Rumblings

The whole allure and uniqueness of zombies is that they are unnatural. They are reanimated dead that shamble and shuffle along while trying to tear the flesh off of live people, and they are just not as fun when they are running while they do it.

The classic tried and true zombie is slow; they shamble, scuffle and groan while relentlessly pursuing their victims. Despite that fact that Hollywood has tried to reinvent the wheel by making several painful movies such as 28 Days Later, zombies are meant to be and have always been slow and methodical.

Normal people move fast, and since zombies are supposed to be unnatural, they should not be doing things that normal people are doing.

Fast zombies, quite frankly, are not as terrifying as slow zombies. Sure, they might be physically more frightening in the sense that you might not be able to outrun them, but physical fear is much easier to overcome than mental fatigue.

Fast zombies will probably catch you, and then you have to fight them off, but that’s not the point of zombies. The point of zombies is the inexorable pursuit of a foe that does not die and does not stop. Fast zombies that can fall on humans without warning take away from the suspense and the take away a fundamental part of what a zombie is: a weapon of psychological terror.

There are many psychological reasons for slow moving zombies. While fending off an attack by lightning quick zombies might be a quick adrenaline jolt, the slow and steady grind of being pursued or hiding from a pack of slow moving and groaning zombies cannot be ignored. The tension level is far higher with slow zombies. Parties of humans trying to elude slow zombies will, at times, be forced to travel within sight and within earshot of the enemy, subjecting them to terrible stresses as they move so close to the zombies eager to rip them to pieces.

With fast zombies, the tension is over far too quickly. There’s not enough time to build the fear, and certainly not enough time for the humans to really think about the situation they are in and really get that cold feeling in the pit of their stomachs.

Despite the fact that slow zombies have been around for years, I do not think they are worn out. On the contrary; zombies are meant to be slow. It’s part of what makes them zombies. When zombies start moving fast and running around like normal people, they lose what makes them “zombies,” and they become, instead, simply monsters, and who is scared of a couple of monsters?

Guantanamo Bay is vital for the survival of our country. Each captured terrorist imprisoned there is one less threat to our country, and one less extremist that is out there ready to strap a bomb to his body and blow up innocent people.

We are at war with a force of people whose sole mission is to destroy our country and our way of life. During wartime, it is acceptable (in fact, necessary) to take prisoners.

The lives of American citizens are the responsibility of the US Government. Putting terrorists in Guantanamo saves American lives, and thus, I have no problem with it existing. I’m not concerned about my tax dollars being spent to keep Guantanamo running. I’d rather that the money be spent there, protecting our country, than lining the pocket of yet another corrupt member of the House of Representatives.

If we close Guantanamo, what happens to the terrorists we capture? Are we supposed to just kill them outright? Well, then we would be no better then they are. We can’t just catch them and then let them go, because then they are back on the battlefield and back trying to kill Americans. Guantanamo is the solution, and it needs to remain open and running as long as there are extremists out there trying to annihilate our nation.

Honestly, we treat the prisoners down there much better than the terrorists treat the prisoners they take. They aren’t starved, they are allowed to pray, and they do not have to endure daily beatings. If Guantanamo was really the gulag it is portrayed to be, then the prisoners would be locked away in solitary rock-walled cells with no light, no water, no books, no food and a pig. The terrible atrocities you hear on the news about Guantanamo are not even close to accurate; the whole ‘Koran in the toilet’ debacle (that cost many people across the world their lives when Muslims rioted) was false information and completely fabricated. We are Americans; we are not butchers and we are not savages. We don’t abuse these people, even though many of them would not hesitate to kill as many of us as they could if given the chance.

Quite frankly, despite the fact that we obey the Geneva Conventions when dealing with this prisoners, we need to remember that the men imprisoned in the Bay do not deserve the rights enjoyed by citizens of this country, because they are not Americans; they are the enemy, soldiers in a war who are fighting to destroy everything we believe in, and they were caught while trying to kill or help kill American citizens. They are prisoners of war, and Guantanamo Bay is one of the most important fronts of the war on terror.

Someone Stop Those Black Helicopters!
The conspiracy theorists were out in full force after Jeff Gordon was declared the winner of the race, and, while I will admit that the timing of the yellow (as Ryan Newman was just about to pass him) was a bit slimy, I think that most people realize that everyone got completely outstrategized by Steve Letarte and the 24 crew. Every other team had the same chance to try what Gordon did, and instead they played it safe and lost. That’s racin’ boys!

Why Do We Have to Go To Pocono Twice?
An even better question; why twice in two months? We might have only gotten in 100 laps, but it felt like four days worth of racing. Let’s dump the second Pocono date and give it back to the Rock or Darlington. Takers?

Chase Watch
With Kurt Busch’s penalty, he falls all the way to 17th prior to the race and only made up one spot in the abbreviated race itself. He remains 132 markers out of 12th, which is currently occupied by Mark Martin, who stated, yet again, that he has no plans to run for the championship. We’ll see how THAT pans out if he’s in range come Richmond.

Ryan Newman picks up two spots to 13th with a another 2nd place finish, and Jimmie Johnson breaks up the Hendrick 1-2 at the top by finishing 42nd and dropping to 4th in the standings. He’s still over 300 points ahead of 12th, however, so the wheels have not come off that team by any means.

The Other Side of the Garage
No change to the magical 35th in Owner’s Points yesterday, but the 10 car of Scott Riggs pulled within 20 points of the number 70 machine. Keep an eye on both of them at Michigan, as the road course at Infineon has not been kind to either of those drivers and both of them desperately want to be in the top-35 and locked in to the field when we get there in two weeks.

Bill Elliot’s ride in the 21 was completely unhelpful, and he leaves the 21 machine mired 240 points out of 35th.

Welcome back TNT…Oh, How We Did Not Miss You
While DW’s incessant Hendrick cheering is not exactly the most pleasant thing to listen to while watching Nascar on FOX, at least he doesn’t make mistakes every five minutes or call cars by old drivers and make ridiculously stupid jokes. Aside from Kyle Petty, who did a phenomenal job in his debut Cup race coverage, and Larry Mac, who is on loan from FOX, the entire TNT crew is a joke.

Final Grade for Pocono: B-
The only thing that saved this from being rated much worse was the pit strategy and the drama of when the rain was coming and who was going to pit when. Pocono, on the whole, is just a boring track in my opinion, and every year it seems like we have to deal with weather there when we come here in June.